Hopefully, if you made it to this blog, you already know a little bit about me. My name is Jasmine, single parent, 3 months until I hit the big 30… I am slightly amused about turning 30 years old. I start Divinity School in exactly 1 week from today and I can’t help but to feel like “What have I gotten myself into?”
Anyway, today is my last day of vacation before orientation and a crazy work schedule change (keep your fingers crossed about that one). I am supposed to be sleeping, preparing for the long drive home tomorrow, but instead, I’m up watching 27 dresses after an interesting conversation with an ex-friend. It’s a bad mix of happenings only because this person is getting married to the person he dated directly after me. This has happened once before. It’s a little frustrating to say the least.
As I’m watching this movie though…I’m starting to feel some type of way over a few failed/very bad relationships. I haven’t been in 27 weddings, but the feelings are all there. I’m sitting here questioning everything. What could I have done better? Were some of these relationships just necessary to learn something about myself and the world? Did I miss out on “The One”? Will I ever get married? As a soon to be Divinity Student and committed Christian I’m supposed to say things like, “God is going to fill this void I’m feeling”, “I’m devoted to God”, and my all-time favorite “Jesus is my boyfriend!” GIRL PLEASE!!!! I’m a single woman headed to 30 and I often times feel completely alone. Why is that? If I had the answers I wouldn’t be writing this crazy blog!
All I know is that I long for a committed relationship with a guy who can walk this crazy thing called life with me. Someone who knows how important God and church are to me. Someone who will be a good fit with my daughter. Someone who will laugh at my corny jokes and not get mad when I call them mean names (out of love of course).
I’m learning, though, to be content. Not content in one of those, “I’m waiting on my Boaz” cliches (because if you really read that passage you would know how insane it is to want that type of situation). I’m more so just trying to trust God with my life. Honestly, honestly, really just believing that God is doing His good work on my future boo. I know that my guy will be fine, intelligent, loyal, faithful, supportive and all mine. Until then, I’m promising myself that I won’t reflect on those tragic relationships if it’s going to bring me down. I will only remind myself of the lessons I’ve learned, and that God is still in the husband blessing business. Okuuuuurrrrt!
Y’all sleep well.