Tag: BlackMoms

I’m Not Your SuperWoman: Black Women Need Real Friends

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L to R: My real friend, Shemiah; My broke bestie, Haley;

I love my friends. My real friends. The ones who will drop everything and fly down to lay eyes on me kind of friends. These are the kind of friends that Black women need. Black women need the kind of friends that can hear in your voice that you’re not ok for real.

I know this because I’ve definitely been the friend who rarely tells people that the stress I’m under is taking me out. The past few years I’ve learned to be more open and honest about how I’m feeling and what I need. That has been helpful to my newer friends in understanding me and I think it has helped them to open up about their own lives as well.

So many people talk about the “Strong Black Woman” archetype. We all know that it is a farce. Women in other races aren’t posed with an idea of what they should be able to endure as an every day badge of honor. But Black women, we are supposed to bear the children, lead in the workplace, overcome all adversity, beat illness and disease all while looking fine and staying moisturized! We know it’s time out for that. We know we can’t do it all. Matter of fact, we don’t want to do it all. But we often find ourselves in situations where we are the ones picking up the pieces.

Black women are the most educated minority. We make less money than most while doing the same work if not more. We are less likely to be married or partnered, more likely to be the breadwinners, and more likely to still live below the poverty line. There’s a lot of things coming at us, so when we’re not okay, we need our people to at least say a prayer and let us know that they’re thinking of us.

If you’re not the friend who is able to hop on a plane (because resources and time are limited…didn’t I just say we we have degrees but our funds don’t match?) or drive to visit your girl who is struggling then drop her a voice text, send her a card, shoot CashApp the bestie $10 for coffee/treats, pick up the phone and let her know she’s not alone.

That’s right, call your friend right now and tell her that she’s amazing but if she’s not feeling amazing that’s ok. Give her some encouraging words. But most importantly, listen. Listen to what’s going on with her, pray with her, hear her, sit in the silence and the tears with her. Let her know she’s not in this thing alone. Because Black women need real friends. Friends who will take a moment to really check in. Friends who will be vulnerable. Friends who don’t expect perfection, or strength, just humanity.

Black women need real friends.

How are you showing up as a friend?

“You’re Okay”: Inspired by Life & Netflix Movie, “Look Both Ways”

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I’ve often felt like I’m in a movie. Maybe that’s my main character energy, but it’s true. And I’m not talking about a glamorous movie. I’m talking the kind of movie where the girl keeps hitting bumps in the road, obstacle after obstacle, painful to watch heartbreaks, bad choices, and tons of character development. Still there’s one thing that I have believed about my life, much like the plot of “Look Both Ways,” is that no matter what obstacles I face – I’m right where I’m supposed to be and I’m okay.

There were times in my life that I made choices that I thought would change the entire trajectory of my life. That whatever was out there was going to be forfeited because I said yes to one thing over another. I believed that I would forever live with the fear of missing out. And there were indeed things that I missed out on. But the truth of the matter was that I was right where I needed to be.

I honestly don’t think that my life would be much different had I chosen a different path. My baby girl is the joy of my life and ministry is my calling. Both are the source of so much good in me. I rarely ever think about what my life would be like without my baby or outside of ministry. And without either, I believe life’s challenges would have still found their way to my doorstep. What I’m trying to say and what I hope you’re understanding is this, whether you look left or go right, you are right where you need to be and you’re gonna be okay. God’s hand is on you and God’s presence is with you.

Many of you know that I recently moved to Atlanta and started a new ministry position. We left a lot of things behind and said our goodbyes. I wrote my resignation letter, packed up our house, said more goodbyes, and we drove off into the sunset – more like the rain and into the night, but who’s fact checking? Since then we have moved into our new apartment, started work and school, begun building relationships, and resumed our random adventures to Target. It’s been a rough few months though. There have been tears and sobbing and random laughs and big hugs. We have traversed this new terrain with wide eyes and slightly broken yet open hearts. The sudden unexppected death of our aunt Blair rocked our world…sent us into a grief we were not aware we could feel. We carry that grief with us as we build a new life here.

Through all of the change and the newness that moving to another state brings, I feel like I am on the precipice of being a new woman, and yet already familiar with who this new woman will be. It’s like a special peace has covered me and that peace lets me know that I would have gotten here regardless of which road I would have taken. That all is well even if it feels overwhelming, scary, but still so exciting. Through the work of the Spirit in my life, I’ve decided that I’m supposed to be here, doing what I’m doing, learning, leading, and growing. In no way do I feel like I have arrived, but I do feel settled in the unsettledness (Is that a word? Unsettledness…). The pieces are still coming together, and some days are harder than others, but there’s more good on the horizon. More peace, more joy, more character development. I’m right where I’m supposed to be and I’m okay. We’re okay.

It’s not easy to do what we’ve done and yet people pick up and leave their homes to start new lives in exciting places everyday. The work of building a new life is hard, however the rewards are endless. The tenacity you find in yourself, the resilience, the grit…they all show up to the party ready to make this thing work. Adversity unlocks your true character. Maybe you’re wondering, “What adversity are you facing Jasmine? It’s just a move and a new job!” Moving, starting a new job, losing a loved one, starting a new school, leaving people behind all cause unprecedented levels of stress. Some are good stressors and others are negative stressors. We’ve done all of those in the past month. I’ve felt withdrawn and desperate for company multiple times a day. We’ve cried and cried laughing. But nothing deters me from this reminder: We are right where we are supposed to be and we are okay.

The Spirit is at work in all things. I hope that you can look back over the movie of your life and see that God had your back all along. That God held your hand. That you were loved. That you are right where you’re supposed to be. That you are okay. That you are loved.

With Gratitude for all of the places we’ve been and our lives ahead of us,

JasSings

Psalm 139:7-14 NKJV

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
8 If I ascend into heaven, You are there;
If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
9 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10 Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.
11 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;
12 Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;
The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

13 For You formed my inward parts;
You covered me in my mother’s womb.
14 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

Cue the Basics…

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The real blessing of success is that it doesn’t always take grand gestures to reach it. 

Here’s what I mean. 

Success comes when you wake up everyday and complete the basics. The basics are the foundation of success. They are simple steps that will eventually build you a staircase to the goals and dreams you have been trying to reach. 

The building blocks of the basics are as follows:

B – Believe – Believe that it’s possible first. If you don’t believe that it’s possible then you will fight against yourself from the very start. 

A – Attitude of Gratitude – Be thankful every day that you wake up and have another chance to at your goals

S – Strategize – Every goal deserves a plan. There will be times that you are able to fly by the seat of your pants. But when you sit down and strategize, it gets rid of most of the guesswork and the chaos that comes with along with trying to figure things out as you go.

I – Intentionality – Do every thing with the intentionality. 90% of what you do should be focused on your goals. Every task, action and thought must be intentionally focused on how it will get you to the desired goal or dream.

C – Courage – Along with Intentionality, Courage must ooze from every step you take. It takes courage to step out on faith. It takes courage to ask for help. It takes courage to wake up everyday to repeat the BASICS when other people in your life start to criticize you or completely stop talking to you. Have Courage! Be Courageous!

S – Strive/Seek – But strive first for the kingdom of God and God’s righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well Matthew 6:33 NRSV or But seek ye first the Kingdom of God and God’s righteousness and all these things will be added unto you Matthew 6:33 KJV. This one should be first really. Before you start looking to get anything else, strive after God and God’s will for your life. If God’s kingdom reigns supreme in your life…there will be no limit to what you can do or where you can go.

Cue the Basics!

Cue the Faith

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July 3, 2020

…It’s Friday!

Typically, people have a tendency to put the plan down, to stop working and to start their weekend early.

Here’s the thing, Friday’s are not a time to ease up. The grind requires that we stay focused on our goals. The grind says that everyday is an opportunity to wake up and do something good. The grind should remind you that today is just as good as any day to get the work done.

BUT if we are only focused on the grind…we will lose.

Lose what?

Our minds possibly. Our hope that things will come to pass. Our passion.

That’s why the grind requires faith. Faith pushes us to a thing. When we activate our faith in conjunction to the grind, we can move mountains. When we have faith in God we are able to wake up most days and say…

“God, you got this!” “God, I trust you to turn my grind into a favorable outcome!” “God, my faith is in You, so pour out your promises on me!”

Faith without works is dead, so works without faith have to be empty actions.

We celebrated and cued the confetti…
We planned so we cued the grind…
But we will have nothing to celebrate and
the plan will be null and void
if we don’t

CUE THE FAITH!!!

Cue the Grind…

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July 2, 2020

…It’s a new day.
Yesterday was a time to celebrate and imagine what the rest of 2020 should look like.

But today…

Today is the first day of a new grind. Today’s the day you should start working the plan.

Don’t have a plan?

Make one!

Where do you see yourself in the next six months? Who do you want to be? Who do you want to take with you? Who needs to change directions? What will your outcome be?

But most importantly…

Why do you want it?

This is going to make all the difference.

Your why will keep you focused when your world is in chaos.

So Cue the Confetti but don’t forget to
CUE THE GRIND!

A Word on “Peaceful Protests”

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It completely blows me how we have begun using the term “Peaceful Protest.” In my opinion, there ain’t nothing peaceful ’bout a protest. They are loud and disruptive even when we just sit in silence on the hot pavement for 8 minutes and 46 seconds remembering the amount of time it took for George Floyd to die underneath the weight of a cops knee.

Ain’t nothing peaceful ’bout that.

I distinctly remember the girl in front of me shedding tears as we sat in the heat. There was another person nearby that kept breathing loudly. I felt antsy and kept thinking, “This is taking a long time.”

Of course it was a long time – A long time to choke – A long time to gasp for air – A long time to sit and watch because you’re too afraid to help for fear of losing your own life – A long time.

There ain’t nothing peaceful ’bout a protest.

It’s disruptive to the spirit. We shouldn’t even have to be out there. And yet, here we are, yelling, marching, speaking, singing, chanting and sitting in anguish waiting for 8 minutes and 46 seconds to pass by.

Ain’t nothing peaceful ’bout that.

It’s disruptive to the world. Somebody won’t be able to drive their regular route. Someone will be annoyed by large numbers of people gathering to speak their minds. Others won’t understand why now during a pandemic. Doesn’t seem like the police care about killing us even though there’s a pandemic so why should we stop protesting?

There ain’t nothing peaceful ’bout a protest.

Secretly, I’ve been replaying the feeling of being surrounded by people, by my friends and shouting chants and feeling like that even if I shout as loud as I can, things still won’t change. Secretly feeling like burning the whole city down and knowing that the media would spin that too. Hating the fact that I cringed the first few times they dropped an F bomb in a chant and then later screaming F bombs as loud as possible because the reality of being of no value to prejudiced and discriminatory systems, organizations and the government finally dawned on me. They don’t really care about us, so “F” them.

Ain’t nothing peaceful ’bout that.

Even prayer becomes protest. I pray the Psalms that ask God to devour my enemies and their children’s children. I implore God to not leave my people desolate because we are His. I beg God to give us victory and to slay the giant that is racism and poverty and bigotry and health care disparity.

Everything about a protest disrupts. It disrupts the status quo, traffic, people’s mindsets, hearts and the atmosphere. It’s disruptive and rightfully so. It’s loud and rightfully so. It’s chaotic and rightfully so. It’s organized and rightfully so. It’s painful and rightfully so.

There.

Ain’t.

Nothing.

Peaceful.

‘Bout.

A.

Protest.

My heart has been vexed ever since… My spirit is disturbed… I haven’t been at peace since

Lament 23: A Psalm 23 Re-write because nothing makes sense

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Lament 23 – Jasmine Katrice Version (JKV)

1 The Lord is my shepherd – but sometimes my needs aren’t met

2 He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters – but somehow, I don’t feel peace

3 He restoreth my soul: Only to lead me into darker paths for his name’s sake – a lot of people do a lot of things in your name and a lot of those things have harmed us and caused irreparable damage.

4 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear all the evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me – but will they protect me?

5 Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies – I’m afraid to sit down. Thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over with fear.

6 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life but it will never catch up to me and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever at the hands of the evil walking, living and breathing in a world you created.

Dear God, what are you gonna do about this?

Yea Though I Walk Through The Valley of The Shadow of Death…I Will Fear All The Evil

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Oluwatoyin Salau

I’m having a hard time this early morning. Not because it’s early, but because the world I live in is evil. It’s not just among the gutters of systemic racism and the actors who continuously perpetuate it. The evil isn’t only present in the school to prison pipeline or the prison industrial complex. I’m not just talking about the evil that causes Black mothers and birthers to receive far less care from doctors and OBGYN’s during childbirth. Nor I am only alluding to the evil that spews from the gun triggers of racist white or complicit cops into the countless bodies of my Black siblings. Not even the hands, knees or holds that choke us out of our last breaths. Nah not those.

I’m talking about the evil that is present amongst us in the Black Church. The form of evil that allows Black male pastors to act like the oppressors in one of the few places we as a people should freely love and care for one another. I’m talking about the evil that stares us in the face when our Black boys and girls are allowed to live in dangerous and violent homes because their daddy is the head deacon. I’m talking about the evil that’s complicit with looking over the Black women and girls and children who need its care the most.

We are walking through the valley of the shadow of death these days and honestly…I fear all of the evil.

I’m also talking about the evil that takes place when our sons and daughters are told that instances of sexual abuse, assault, incest and molestation are their fault. The evil that prevails when Black women trust a Black man to look out for them but he instead takes advantage of her.

Even more-so, I’m talking about the evil that prevails when Black women turn a blind eye to the peril taking place in another Black woman’s life.

I know what I’ve read about Oluwatoyin Salau. Her story is not a standalone issue. It is, however, a single drop in a bucket full of similar and even more horrific stories. Stories where women have been deceived. Not cared for. Overlooked. Thrown away. Ignored. Defiled.

Killed.

Murdered by hands with skin the same color as her own.

I sometimes, and dreadfully say that I expect this type of thing from someone of a different race because they don’t value us in the first place.

But when your spiritual and physical death comes by the hands of those you trusted because you were skin kin…I have a loss for words.

Black Women…All we got is us.

We gotta look out for each other. We gotta stand up for each other.

Black Men…You gotta do better.

You gotta stop taking what’s not yours. Stop using your power to hold us down.

Black People…We gotta speak out. We gotta stop acting like this evil world loves us and love ourselves.

All this evil. I see it. I hear it. I feel it. I fear it.

Sure God has not given us a spirit of fear…

…but what happens when we trust God with our lives? With the lives of our children and our loved ones? What happens when we trust God and bad things happen? What happens when we devote our lives to standing up for God’s creation within the Black community and are killed by the hands of those we are fighting for?

I just don’t know anymore. I sit with the questions knowing I may never have the answers. But I do know that God’s integrity is on the line. I keep hearing my friend and sister Janiece Williams, MDiv., say this in my head.

“God, your integrity is on the line.”

You can’t keep letting this happen to us, to our friends or to our family.

God, what are you gonna do about this?

It’s all about the M’s!

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I know you’re thinking “What is she talking about now?” Okay, just keep reading.

There are some things that I may need to clarify for a few of you. This blog is not just an attempt to work through what’s happening in the world. It’s my way of tightening the lens on the things that really matter to me most. It will tell the truth, make you laugh, make you think and occasionally – you might just roll your eyes. I’m ok with that because this blog and my brand, JasSings, is focused on the things that are at the center of my life. The M’s!

#Millennialhood: I was born in 1988. I’m a 31 year old Black woman living in America…everything I do has something to do with my perspective on the world based on my life experiences in this day and time. Love it or hate it, but it sure does make for good commentary!

#Music: I love music. I love how words come together with melodies and harmonies, rhythms and sounds to create masterpieces. Music feeds my soul and singing heals me. So, I’ll write about music, songs, and musical ideas as it relates to my culture and what’s happening in the world. It’s a major part of how I’ve been able to evolve over the years.

#Ministry: In case you didn’t know, I’m a rising 3rd year (last year like law school) Divinity School Student. I am currently an Inquirer within the Presbyterian Church USA denomination, which means I’m working towards ordination. Ministering through song led me on this path and I have been fighting this ministry thing for a long time. Eventually, I just gave up. I got tired of God visiting me in my dreams and leaving me cryptic messages! This blog will talk about what it’s like doing ministry.

#Motherhood: This topic is simple and complex. It covers what it means to be a mama in the 21st century AND it will intersect with what it’s like to be a music-loving millennial, and future clergymama. My womanhood is wrapped up in there somewhere too and I’m looking forward to teasing it out just a little bit more every time I write, whether it’s done explicitly or not.

Finally, this blog will talk about…

#Money: Yeah, yeah, yeah. I’m not trying to make money off of this blog but let’s be real – we live in a capitalist society. A lot of what we do everyday, includes or requires money. It would be a shame to miss the opportunity to discuss money and all of the ways it slips through our fingers! We have to do better! Well maybe I’m just talking about myself. 🤷🏾‍♀️ It’s not all about the money, but money will pop up here and there.

So there we have it! It’s about the M’s!